Only kidding, I don't particular hold any caring to that whatsoever but it leads nicely into a subject that has weighed heavily on this sweet brain o' mine for the past few years.
It's common knowledge that we all make mistakes. They come in all categories, all forms, all shapes, all sizes and all costs; whether that cost be of a monetary cost, a sentimental cost or something much dearer to your heart. It will probably shock 0.000000001% of the population (that's roughly 7 people worldwide. Arithmetic.) I have made a lot of mistakes in my time. Some more grave than others. Some that are mildly silly on reflection but have caused me undue sadness when I've reflected on them. Some that question my sense of worth and morality and some that just plain make me laugh.
The worst thing I have done that I can recall was a sunny June day where I gave in to temptation and the resultant butterfly effect led to disastrous consequences; I lost one hell of a good band, some of the best friends I've ever had and really called into question the type of person that I was aiming to be. The worst thing was the sense of betrayal that I had inflicted upon one of my said friends; something I thought I could never do. Sure, I can be a bit of a jerk some times but I never once saw myself being that guy. To add insult to injury, the person in question was one of the most genuinely fantastic people I had ever gotten to know; someone that actually made me feel better about myself just being around them; someone who would probably give you his last Rolo and be happy to do so (you wouldn't get that off me as they make my tongue think pleasant things about my choice of confectionary). To do that to someone like that truly is shit and I have no-one to blame except myself. This is a burden I will have to carry with me for the rest of my life and it is only now that I have started to come to terms with this situation (only 2 years later, no big deal right?). For a whole year I was incredibly depressed and it's only on reflection that I can see this. I probably embarked on this chapter of my life in entirely the wrong manner but I feel that the ordeal has helped me grow as a person and make me truly value what I have around me. It sounds corny but it's unbelievably true. The chances of him reading this are so remote it's crazy (out of 6.94 billion people, what do you rate my odds?) but should he ever throw my name into the God of the Internet that is Google and come across this, I'd like to offer my most sincere apologies to Simon.
I guess that the message I'm trying to get across here is exactly what I said earlier. Everyone makes mistakes and not everyone gets to have a second chance from the mistakes they make. This is a simple fact of life and this whole growing up business, I suppose. Should anyone ever read this who may be carrying a burden of similar weight, try not to get too down about it. I'm going to take a line from a Strung Out song here and say that 'sometimes you get too close to see a whole different side of what life could be. Don't stare too hard; take a look around.'
